she's with the band
what i miss about church
In today's edition of sweeping up the sawdust in Skin Contact Studio: more field notes. Exercises to develop a point of view. What I get hired to do.
I've rewritten this one a few times over the years. It's about what I miss about church.
She’s with the band
It's 7:30am on a Sunday morning and I wake up more anxious than tired. Dave's leading the band today.
One of his originals is on the setlist.
A Bb Eb Cm7 Gm progression.
No cruising on a Dave set.
No fair play without a net.
During set up I can't get my music stand top to lock into place though I've done it a million times. I ask Dave to help me which is like if Jesus showed up at your doorstep and you asked him to wash your feet.
Finney's yet to show so I make sure to set him up with the shitty stand, the one with a loose screw somewhere. I mention he went to a Reliant K show last night. When he clocks in an hour late, Dave breaks out a flawless rendition of "Who I Am Hates Who I've Been." I would laugh but I'm too jealous that he's as good with fretboards as he is with corporate strategy.
When running through the second song, Dave turns around to me, Can you play it like The National does it? Like a one on the bass, and a one three or one five on the right hand? Nice and clean. I nod, try too hard, and proceed to lose all of the magic. I make a mental note to listen to the entire back catalog of The National on the walk home, specifically tuning into the keys instrumentation.
I'm thrilled when it's Finney's turn to receive judgment on the next piece. Dave turns to request a meandering second guitar line, like a Real Estate riff, something stupid. We run through the interlude in question a few times, each time garnering an ok... we're almost there.
There is no rest for both wicked and righteous.
On the next song Dave turns, asks me to give early aughts British alt rock. I can only think of Coldplay during their emo era circa 2014. I turn to Claudio on bass and he mimics Chris Martin's impassioned antics. Unhelpful!
During breakdown after service, I roll up Dave's cables along with my own. In a rare moment of downtime, we talk. Mostly family stuff, which he doesn't need much context to understand.
I know Dave doesn't care about skill only heart but I can't explain how I want to give more than I have, how I feel so safe in the constant, gentle reminders of my incompetence that when we're live and locked in I can swear the stage runs on a new voltage. One that is more generous and more powerful than the sum and the parts of the flickering lights we each bring.
You monkey you're in church. I think he would've said something like this.
Years later I text him to ask for tips on being a manager. He gives me a few points including don't waste time on meaningless shit. I was glad to hear it. It gets lonely being the only one who swears at church.
There's a lot more I want to say but I know we've reached our allotment of time. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places. This is the gentle way I tell myself our time is up.
zine update
Paid subscribers, reminder to use code GRANOLA to get your copy of my next zine Good Arson. I'm running low on batch 1 and would love to fold you in, we're shipping this week!
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